Grieving Like a Christian

We have had two losses among our Christian friends and acquaintances recently. One was a teenage boy who drowned while canoeing, leaving his recently widowed mother and six siblings. Another was a thirty-four year-old mother of two young children who died after a long battle with cancer. Losses like these leave us saddened, stunned, and sometimes even angry. As Christians, though, we can face death and suffering without despair, for our hope is in Jesus Christ, the Giver of Life, the Conqueror of Death.

Yet it seems that Christians sometimes think that if we outwardly show the sorrows we feel, we are somehow demonstrating a lack of faith. In order to honor God, we reason, we must accept His frowning providences without even a flinch, like an abused boy accepts his whippings. This stoicism can become a mere exercise of will, so that what appears to be piety and faith is actually a work of prideful flesh.

God loves life and hates death. He is sovereign over death, and He ordains it, yet He made the ultimate sacrifice--Himself--to secure its ultimate destruction. If we love Him, we should love what He loves and hate what He hates. When we love life, we mourn the loss of it. When we hate death, we are angered by its destructive force.

Grieving like a Christian does not mean we do not grieve. It means we grieve without despair. We crawl into our Father's lap and lay our tear-stained cheeks on His shoulder, and trust that what He ordains is always right, will always work out well in the end, and that all our losses will one day be restored to us. It is running to Him and asking, "Tell me again the story of what You have done and what You will do to destroy this enemy." It is going to Him and asking for the strength and comfort we need to face the new reality of our temporary, mortal lives--a reality without someone we have grown to love, without someone we are used to having as a part of our lives and perhaps mistakenly assumed would always be there. It is knowing that although there is loss, all is not lost.

God does not tell us we will not have sorrows. He tells us that He will be our comfort in sorrow. He does not tell us we will not have tears. He tells us He will be there with us to wipe our tears away. He does not tell us there will not be times to mourn. He tells us that on the other side of that mourning is the promise of joy indescribable.

Comments

[At A Hen's Pace]

Great post. I love the image of sitting in the Father's lap, receiving his comfort and trusting in His understanding, not my own.

We've had two close friends lose children in the last ten years. One positive thing both families have experienced is a sense of having one foot in heaven--you walk the earth a bit more lightly!

[Maribel Hernandez]

Grieving...
I never dreamed it could happen to us...but it did. Our baby boy died. In the movie "Lord of the Ring", King of the Rohan said: "No parent should have to bury their child", but the truth is many of us have buried our babies. The dreams and aspirations we had for them are buried too. We have touched death in the most bitter of ways. But, as Christians we know God is soverign. We know it's okay to grieve while we enter the valley of weeping. We recommend parents read "From Grief to Glory" it includes stories of Luther, Calvin, Bach and Spurgeon, all of whom lost children.

[cwv warrior]

I can't imagine the pain of such losses. Christians hurt immensely; we love and anguish in God's image, the same as all humanity. There is a difference, as you say, for Christians but in deep sorrow, that difference can elude us for a time. It is good to know this truth so that we can comfort each other by not negating the sorrow.

Good to hear you again, Dory.

[G M Roper]

Dear Dory, I've not posted a comment here in a long time, and I'm sometimes too long between visits and for that I'm sorry. Back in January, I was diagnosed with lung cancer and announced that on my blog. In that announcement I noted that "I am a fighter, I am a child of God and I strongly believe that he will sustain me through this fight." This remains true. Over the last 15 years, I've lost a sister, both parents, my first wife and a number of friends. I've looked back and realized each time that God sustained me, rocked me in His arms when I cried and comforted me each and every time. This is what He does for us, the least we can do is acknowledge that. This post of yours does just that and for this, I thank you.

GM

[Lynne]

Another important point for me anyway...after losing my daughter, I lost faith, I lost God. Heck, I hated God. That is changing now and my faith is coming back and I am loving God again. But it is a step in the grief journey for some people.

[SJG]

Thank you so much for this blog. I just googled "Christian grieving" and this was the 1st result. I am not grieving the loss of a person but the pain and loss of trust in my marriage and these words spoke just as well to me. Thank you for your encouragement and acknowledgement that it is good to mourn and express our suffering, and to ultimately rely on the best hope we have in God.

To Lynne - thank you for sharing your story. It is good to read that you started to love God again and took the next step. Even though your comment was a while ago, I will pray for you.