I was raised in a Presbyterian church, and can't remember a time when I didn't love the Lord and understand at least the rudiments of the gospel. I was taught the gospel from a Reformed perspective and did not encounter an Arminian perspective until I was about eleven or twelve years old. At that time school friends hearing my testimony decided I must not be a Christian, because I could not point to a time when I made "the decision" or prayed "the sinner's prayer." My profession of reliance upon the saving work of Jesus Christ and my continuing relationship with Him was apparently not sufficient. I was presented with many "gospel" tracts by these well-meaning friends that encouraged me to pray this prayer, or that one, in order to "get saved."
I loved the Lord and wanted to please Him. I read the tracts over and over. I prayed this prayer--and then that one. What had been a simple child-like faith in the work of God was being shaken. Which was the right prayer? Did I say it sincerely enough? I don't feel any different. Did it take? Should I try again?
Suddenly there was a requirement on me, and I was afraid I would not live up to it. In one respect my assessment was correct. That is, if there was some aspect of salvation that relied upon me, there would be great, great danger (perhaps certain danger) that I, in my weakness, would mess it up.
After weeks of inner struggle, I expressed my concerns to my pastor, who was teaching my Sunday School class at the time. He gently and patiently helped me out. I asked him what I should do to be born again. "The same thing you did to be born the first time," he said. "Nothing."
"But if I can't do anything, how can I be sure I am saved?"
"What do you believe about Jesus Christ?" he asked.
I explained that I believed He was God incarnate, that He had taken my sins upon Himself and died on the cross to take the punishment my sins deserved so I could be right with God.
"Okay, then what did He do?"
"He rose from the dead and ascended in heaven."
"Do you really think all that is true?"
"Yes."
"Jesus said that you cannot see those things unless you are born again." Then he read me John 3:3. "If you believe those things, and you rely upon the things Christ has done to save you, rather than on things you have done, then you have saving faith; and to have saving faith, you must have been born again."
I was so relieved! I was back to the simple faith I had always enjoyed, but now with even greater understanding and with greater appreciation for the grace of God. I knew that my salvation depended upon His faithfulness, rather than mine. As He always does, God used this difficulty for good and strengthened my faith through it.
It would be many years before I understood the Doctrines of Grace as fully as I do now, (and I hope to understand them even better as time goes on). It would be many years before I could sit down with a Bible and winsomely defend and explain those doctrines to someone who didn't understand them. It would be many years before I heard such words as"Arminianism," or "semi-Pelagianism." Yet my childish feet were set on solid ground with a child-like faith in the works of God to save me from my sin. I would never be persuaded again to consider exchanging the gospel of Christ for the works of my flesh.
This is why I love the Doctrines of Grace. My reliance, my focus, and my love are set on God, and I am confident that no one--not even I--can snatch me out of His hand.
Great Post. I am looking to send some readers over here.
brad
21st Century Reformation
Posted by: brad | November 27, 2004 at 11:56 AM
Well, I am perplexed. I find myself somewhere in nowhereland between Arminianism and Calvinism. There are so many of us in somewhere-nowhere land.
I too was raised Presbyterian but in a liberal church that was similar to what you hear at the Crystal Cathedral. I too believed that Jesus was the Son of God and died on the cross (for some reason although I wasn't sure why).
But according to Romans 10:9,10 I wasn't a Christian because although I believed this, it wasn't in my heart though I thought it was.
When I wasin college I heard how to be born again and decided I would give that a whirl (after beingan atheist for two years). After I "accepted" Christ my heart and thinking changed. I understood now what Christ had done even before it was thoroughly explained to me in the years to come.
I have met several of my classmates who also went to my church and other liberal ones in my town. They listened intently to sermons every week. But they were not Christians (according to them). They also "accepted" Christ after they left. By the way, all of us were good people..no drugs or alcohol or illicit sex. But we just never heard the gospel.
It sounds as if you were raised in a PCA-like church insted of a PCUSA-like church?
Since I didn't grow up in a church like that I have no reference point. Henceforth, I am still confused..LOL.
Posted by: Diane R | November 27, 2004 at 01:21 PM
Diane,
Thanks for your thoughtful comments. As to the church, mine at the time of these events actually was a PCUSA church (or perhaps still United Presby. at that point), but all this was over 30 years ago, in a conservative little town. Whether it could happen like that today, I don't know. Doctrine wasn't well explained to me most of the time, but what was given was sound and if I had questions I could get answers. God will call His people and in my case, He did it there in what would seem, humanly speaking, a difficult place for it to happen. I am a member of a PCA church now, and have been for some time, and would not return to the PCUSA. Nevertheless, I did learn to love the Lord and His gospel while I was there.
I think sometimes we are too quick to look back and say we were not Christians at some point or another when perhaps we were. There was a time when I did that, but as I look back on it now, I see that God had been working in my life all that time, and I do not want to dismiss what He was doing for me. I did love Him and cling to the Gospel, even though I had a lot of other things wrong. We are not born again as mature adults; we are born again as babes in the faith. The test of the genuineness of a profession, I think, is not whether a person is now mature in the faith, but whether they do, in time, grow to maturity through the sanctification of the Spirit.
I think another mistake I have made in the past is to confuse a time of commitment to the Lord as a conversion. John 3:3 tells us that we cannot see the things of the Kingdom unless we are born again. How then would it be possible for us to commit ourselves to Christ unless we were already born again? How would repentance and faith be possible if we were still dead in our sins? After all, even repentance and faith are gifts of God to His children. (John 6:44 & 65; Acts 11:18)
The Christian walk is not often (ever?) a straight march forward. We are weak and we step forward a bit, backslide or side-step, and then walk forward a bit more as God works in our lives. In an immature Christian backsliding can look on the outside an awful lot like unbelief. (Though I would expect that lawlessness is not an easy life for a converted person and there must be a lot of inner turmoil.)
The verses in Romans 10, I think, were not distinguishing between believing and having something "in your heart." They were distinguishng between knowing what the Gospel is well enough to say the "right" words of profession and sincerely believing these words are true. Either we believe something or we don't. And we can't make ourselves believe what we don't believe, though we can make ourselves say the words. There is no extra quality of the heart that we must stir up within ourselves to make our beliefs meritorious enough to be acceptable.
I do not mean to minimize the importance of our commitments to Christ, our desire to live in obedience to Him, and our return to commitment after a period of weakenss. My point is only that we ought not confuse those experiences with the "rebirth" or conversion, which is a work of the Spirit, not a work of our flesh, and which happens when God wills it and not man. (John 1:12-13)
The times of commitment and "turn around," in our lives are events of great satisfaction and joy, and we can look back on them with gratitude to God for bringing us to that point. Often those times follow periods of trial, confusion, despair, or error, and they are like emerging from a dark stenchful cave into the fresh air and glowing sunshine of God's truth. But we can also know that God was with us in the cave, too, working all things for our good. At other times, they follow God opening our eyes and enlightening our minds with another aspect of His truth that we hadn't understood before. Sometimes that kind of enlightenment can be the beginning of a "growth spurt" in our spiritual lives.
Anyone can say the words necessary to make a profession of faith. However true faith will not be of no effect in our lives. As James wrote, faith without works is dead. I think what he meant was a profession of faith that remains without works was just words, not genuine faith, because true faith produces good works. One of my favorite passages is Ezekiel 36:26-28. Here God tells us that He gives His people a new heart--taking their dead hearts of stone and replacing them with hearts of living flesh--makes them His people and causes them to walk in His ways. There is nothing in these verses to indicate that this process is initiated by or approved in advance by the people. It is a work of God from start to finish.
You spoke about learning how to be born again and deciding to "give that a whirl." In such situations perhaps a person is just superstitiously trying yet another "charm," to bring some satisfaction in life, but you spoke of genuine change in your life afterward. I don't doubt the genuineness of your experience, but I would suggest that perhaps God gave you rebirth first, which enabled you to hear the Gospel not as foolishness (1 Cor. 1:18), but as your only hope, and respond to it by clinging to Christ, repenting, and asking for His help. The result is the same, perhaps, but I want to recognize that God is the agent of it.
To me, it is of great comfort to know that my commitment to God is dependant upon His commitment to me rather than vice versa. He's a lot better at keeping commitments than I am. Praise be to His name for the things He has done!
Posted by: Dory | November 27, 2004 at 05:49 PM
So true. Conversion for me came during a long process of investigation. I believe God was using those times when I professed un-belief to bring me to the place I could truly believe.
I went down an aisle in a Baptist church, but I was a Christian before I ever made that walk. It was just a way of affirming what I already believed and becoming part of a community of believers.
It may be different for others, I don't know. But that's what it was for me.
Posted by: Phil Dillon | November 29, 2004 at 09:53 AM