The Church Demolition Game: 16 Easy Rules

Any number can play! The more the better!

1. The game begins by two team leaders taking up offenses and not letting them go. After all, nothing is more important than you getting the respect you deserve. If you cannot find two leaders, you can play a modified game with just one. Anyone who will not join your team can be considered to be on the other team.

2. Team leaders begin recruiting teams by inviting others to take up their offenses as if they are their own. (The formation of large, loyal teams is essential to the demolition process.)

3. Listen to one side of problems that don't involve you without rebuking or stopping your gossiping brother or sister. (Gossip is the most powerful tool in the demolition toolbox and it should not be hindered, though you may wish to call it, "seeking counsel," or "making a prayer request.") The team with the best gossipers always wins, so never refuse to hear a bad report about anyone!

4. Act and think as if you know all sides of an issue. Avoid confusion caused by trying to understand another person's perspective, as this may lead to a breakdown of team loyalty.

5. Spread your team's side of the story as convincingly as possible, even if a little exaggeration, slant, character assassination or jumping to conclusions is necessary.

6. Continue building a good team for your side, keep them motivated, and urge them to take action against the other team. Put the other team on the defensive as often as possible, as it makes them look bad and wins recruits for your team.

7. Gather evidence for your side and keep a good record of it. Out of context evidence is allowed, if necessary, for your team's cause. If you don't remember past offenses well, gather with members of your team to review them and refresh your memories.

8. Avoid proper process for grievances when possible, but when it is unavoidable, declare the effort a failure before it begins by pointing out the incompetence and/or corruption of your elders and/or the hardness of heart of the other team. Remember that following proper proceedures can stop the demolition process, so be sure to thwart all efforts in this regard by encouraging disrespect for the authority and character of your leaders.

9. Assume the worst possible motives for your opponents and your elders, and be sure to pass those assumptions along to team members and potential team members. Imagining conspiracies and wicked coalitions plotted in secret adds drama to the game and builds team loyalty.

10. Never acknowledge that anyone on your team has done anything wrong. Assume everyone on the other team is wrong in all respects. Setting up different standards of behavior for your team than for the other team is often necessary to accomplish this.

11. Assume that you are the best person to solve problems that do not directly involve you. Assume your elders are the worst persons to solve them. (If anyone claims you are being a busybody, explain that you are simply meeting your obligations to hold others accountable.)

12. Shamelessly declare that you know all about certain problems without acknowledging that in order to know them, you must have listened to gossip. (This is very helpful in making others on your team comfortable with the team building process.)

13. Demand that your elders answer your concerns about matters that do not involve you. Assume that if they have not reported to you, then the elders must not care and must not be doing anything about the problems. Demand that you be included in the problem-solving process so that you can decide whether your elders are doing it well enough. (Again, we can call this "accountability.")

14. Work for the removal of any elders that do not adequately meet your demands or who make any slight indication that they have any sympathy with the other team. The stated reason for the removal need not have anything to do with the demolition game; any reason will do. Look for weaknesses to exploit, after all, all elders have them.

15. Describe the consequences of this problem in the most hyperbolic language possible and assure all those who will listen that this problem will destroy the church unless your demands regarding it are met.  (If necessary, threats of church splits, lawsuits, formal charges, excommunication, etc., can be made to weaken the resolve of the other team.)

16. If anyone on the other team repents of anything, declare the repentance to be imperfect, and therefore not worthy of acceptance. If you are pressured into repentance yourself, repent of small things only loosely related to the game, so you can continue playing. Avoid true and complete repentance and forgiveness at all costs, as it immediately brings the demolition game to a halt!

N.B.: When the game is played well, there is often no clear winner.

Comments

[Jessie]

Love it, so funny in a sad by true way.

[Phil Dillon]

There aren;t many blogs I read that I can say are really outstanding. This is one of the best.

Keep up the great work. The truths you bring are needed. They may wound occasionaly, but they are the words of a friend who cares!

[rick luoni]

This was fantastic. Funny, but so true. Wow. Whatever happened to the idea of just being real?

I may add this to my blog. Great post!

Rick

[Dory]

Thank you all for the kind comments. I'm afraid the thing that makes this one funny is the same thing that makes it sad. It rings so true. Nothing new under the sun, eh?

[David Wayne]

Ooh - that's good stuff Dory. Sounds like you've been there done that.

[King of Fools]

Very nicely done. I've seen this game played well enough to rival the action in today's NBA. Although neither playing nor spectating are very satisfying.

[Dory]

I'm afraid this game is a bit like a freight train going down hill. Even if everyone thinks it's a good idea, it's awfully difficult to get the darn thing to stop.

[felastica]

Dude, did you used to go to my church! LOL!

[Greg]

This reminds me of the game 'Sorry'. Nobody is really sorry.

The clear winner? That would be Satan. We as Christians need to remember that we are supposed to be on God's side not this leader or that. Joshua had this pointed out to him at least once.

Joshua 5:13-15

Who's side are we on? I hope we're on God's side rather than expecting him to be on ours. So, just as the Angel of the Lord refused to take sides, I hope that the church I joined can stop playing this game and get back to following orders from the Captain.